Wow, has it really been over three weeks since my last entry? I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write this and I’m sorry I have been absent from commenting on all of your wonderful blogs. I assure you, once my life settles down hopefully I will find a regular time to comment and blog.
For now, my life is sort of crazy. I’m the sort of person that needs a predictable schedule, and I feel like my life has been turned upside down because nothing is predictable right now. I am still working for my former employer part time as a independent contractor. The first week after I was layed off I worked 24 hours there, the second week, 16, and this week about 12. I am waking up in the morning not knowing if I will be going into work or not. It’s really a strange feeling.
Funny the role that running has played in this situation. The first two weeks after I found out I was going to be laid off, I ran a lot. I craved it. I was emotional and worried and running soothed me. I was still in shock and unable to make decisions about my future. Running was the alternative to worrying.
So I am past that stage of shock now. We’ve made the decision to give freelancing a shot. Since I was still am getting some hours from my former employer, it seemed like a somewhat safe decision. We could survive on what I was making there until I am able to get my business up and running. But the hours at work seem to be dwindling and I am frantically trying to get everything up and running so I can promote myself.
So running has taking a back seat now, and I’m feeling anxious over that too. This week I have felt a bit like a college kid working on the big semester project. I’ve been out of bed before the crack of dawn pouring myself into my website not changing out of my pajamas all day. I’ve wanted to run, but it just doesn’t seem as important as getting that website up and running. I’m letting the housework and chores pile up while I’m barricade in my office.
And I go to bed at night and I think, tomorrow, I’m getting up and going for a run! I need it! The three letter F word starts creeping into my thoughts. No no! I can’t let that happen! By the morning, I am stressing about all I need to do and running seems less important. Morning is my most productive time, so I would rather devote it to my work. I put the run off until later in the day, but then I never go. It becomes less important, the more involved I get in my project. I’ve run a total of 18 miles this week (monday to today). After months of 35 to 45 miles per week, that’s a big dip!
So, Malinda and I went for a nice 9 miler yesterday on the greenbelt and I took a day off from building my website. It was much needed. After we finished running, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Ahhhhh. I am ME again.
So this morning I am up early again. Craving another good run like I had a few weeks ago. Looking forward to the streets being quiet, like I know they are on Sunday mornings. I’m ready to pound out some of my anxieties. I’m ready to feel my body working again. It’s the beginning of a new week and I’m ready to start it on the right foot.
I’m ready to feel like a runner again!
