A Runner’s Balancing Act

Still in total shock from being laid off on Friday, I spent most of last Saturday avoiding my thoughts, not ready to tackle the mountain of job and soul searching that lay ahead of me.  I went on a short easy run with a friend mid-morning Saturday, but my heart wasn’t in it. I told my friend about the layoff, but I wasn’t eager to vent my fears to her. I was still feeling pretty numb about the entire thing.  After the run, I sat out on my back patio and read a book most of the afternoon, pretty much ignoring the housework for the day. Not a typical Saturday for me at all. Saturday night I did not sleep well and woke up well before dawn, my fears were starting to rise up into my conscious mind. I finally got out of bed at 5 am and slipped into my running clothes in the darkness.  I NEEDED a good run.

After force feeding myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cherios, and blogging while it digested, I was out the door around 6:45 a.m.  It was about 50 degrees when I left. I had no idea where I was going, or how far.  All I knew was that I had about 2 hours before I needed to be back if I wanted to make church at 10 am. My only goal was to try to get myself back to feeling normal. Two nights of not sleeping or having an appetite was enough.

As the sun came up, I ran the first few miles around the Fountain park. There were a few early birds out walking their dogs, but other than that, the park was pretty empty. With very few cars on the road, it was a peaceful scene. As I ran, I didn’t really put any pressure on myself to think, I just let my mind wander as I listened to my music. The day before, I’d purchased a few new songs on Itunes and put together a long playlist  that was calming yet uplifting.

Fountain Park at Dawn

After a few miles I turned west into some neighborhoods that I had never explored on foot. I felt like exploring. I grew up in this town, so I kind of know my way around by feel. I knew that heading west meant I’d be in for some hills. Fountain Hills sits on the edge of the McDowell Mountains, and you are always going towards the mountains as you go west. I was surprised that my legs seemed to tackle the hills almost with ease. I could feel my muscles burning and my heart pounding and yet it felt good. I felt in control of my body and strong. The higher I climbed, the better the views got. I began to realize how grateful I was to be in good enough shape to enjoy the climb and the long run without being physically overwhelmed.

I stopped a time or two to soak up the view and drink my Gatorade. The mountains were absolutely stunning, and the town in the valley below was bathed in a hazy early morning sunlight. I thought about Psalm 121, a verse I’d memorized long ago:
“I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD,the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Photos after the first few miles of running uphill

After about a 2.5 miles of gradual uphill (5-6 miles total), I made it to Saguaro Blvd, which is main road I could have taken back to my house. I felt good, so instead going home, I dipped into another neighborhood and headed west again for another mile and a half of gradual elevation gain. I was pushing the pace even harder as I went up hill, feeling increasingly strong and confident as I ran. I started to say to myself “I am strong”,”I am determined”, “I am talented” and I wasn’t referring to running.
When I reached Palisades Blvd, I stopped for a moment to appreciate what I had just accomplished and to suck down a power gel. I have ALWAYS wanted to run Palisades Blvd. I drive that road everyday on my way to work and I have always pictured myself running it. Some of the most beautiful views in town can be seen from Palisades but it is a MOUNTAIN to climb from where my house is. Fortunately, the neighborhood street I was running on dumped me out right at the crest of Palisades. I only had to run the down part from there.

Looking down on Sunridge Golf Course

The View from Palisades

After about 4 miles of climbing, I was treated to fantastic views and about 2 miles of rolling downhills. My legs started going and I felt like I was flying. I looked down at my Garmin a few times and saw paces around 6:30 min/mi (this on the sharp down hills mind you). The music I was listening seemed to be the perfect soundtrack to how I felt. It was the runners high multiplied 1000 times. I was happy, I was confident, and I was ready to tackle whatever mountain was ahead of me in life.

After I descended into town, I ended up going back to the park to do another loop before heading home, still pushing the pace, still feeling fantastic. When I finally got home I’d done 13 miles in about 1 hour 50 minutes. As I stood on my front driveway and stretched, I was happy. Whatever happens, I can handle it. I’m strong.

Later that day, I tackled some of the research I needed to do with a clear head. My appetite returned and I slept well that night.

Running. Its my drug of choice.

Elevation profile of the run.

What a week. What a crappy, ugly week.

We were slow at work this week. It’s not unusual as we’ve been slow for over a year. Since I’m salary I’m at my desk everyday whether there is a lot of work to be done or not. Sometimes I think sitting there with not a whole lot of interesting work to do, starts to make me crazy. And I don’t mean that jokingly.

Last week I noticed how obsessed I seemed to be about everything, but especially running. My old college roommate invited me to be part of her team for her Ragnar Relay in LA. It’s a 12 person relay that goes down the California Coast line over a 24 hour period. It sounded like so much fun. I was soooo excited. For two days, I was planning my training schedule so I could get used to running multiple times in a 24 hour period. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Besides running I was also feel a little obsessed with other things in my life. Checking my email, checking facebook, checking the blogs, checking my blog stats, etc.  I’m pretty sure it the product of feeling under challenged at work. I hate feeling that way. I hate feeling like I have to check my email every 10 seconds.

Well I was relieved of my obsessions very quickly around 4 pm on Friday.

I found out I’m being layed off along with one of my co-workers. I have one more week, and then after March 14, I will be freelancer. My boss was very kind and apologetic and told me it had nothing to do with me. Me and my co-worker had been chosen because we had the lowest seniority (I’ve worked there 4 years, he’s worked there 5). With me and my co-worker gone, there are only 2 other employees left! My boss seems to think he will be able to have us in part of the week depending on workload, so hopefully that means I’ll still be getting some sort of paycheck. The cool part is that I am now allowed to find my own clients and work on outside projects, which used to be a HUGE no-no. My boss even suggested that I could work on those outside projects using the company computers and software. That’s very cool, but will I actually be able to find clients in this wonderful economy of ours? I’m not sure.

Joe and I will be ok. We have money in savings and we’ve been anticipating this for a while now. Even so, it’s still a bit of a shock. I think I was probably too much of an optimist. I kept thinking we were going to get through this recession. I’ve been needing to make career change. I haven’t been happy at my job for a while now, but I just didn’t have the courage to make the move. I believe this is God saying that it’s time, and hopefully He’s got something better for me in store.

So much for all that obsessing over running. I had to pull out of the relay because now I really can’t justify the cost and I have more important things to focus on besides running and training. In some ways, that part feels right. As excited as I was about that race, running multiple times in a day didn’t mesh well with my personal philosophy of living and running in a balanced way. Since I was so obsessed with the challenge, I was overlooking how difficult the training would be and secretly excited to have an excuse to run a lot more.

I’m still going to be running, but now the reasons are all different. It’s not about staying in tip-top racing shape, it’s about staying mentally healthy and getting in some good therapeutic time on the road.  I’ve got a lot to think about while I’m out there. There are several different directions I could take my career from here, and I’m not really sure which way I want to go.

I’m just letting my thoughts simmer for a few days.  In the mean time, if anyone out there has graphic design project they want done fast and cheap, send me an email!

Today’s Runner’s Lounge “Take it and Run” topic is common running mistakes. How could I resist this one? I ran for a long time before I did any research on running and I made a lot of mistakes a long the way.  Here they are in no particular order. My stupidity is good for something I guess…

• Running in cotton t-shirts.
I started running in college because it seemed like the cheapest and easiest way to stay in shape. In high school I was a volleyball player. I was used to a t-shirt being the standard practice uniform. I ran for probably 4 YEARS in my old cotton t-shirts (and usually cotton Softee shorts).  I’d finish the run with a wet t-shirt stuck to my back. Yuck! When I got hot I rolled the sleeves up and tucked them under my sports bra like I used to do in volleyball. Little did I know how much more comfortable I’d be in some good sweat-wicking running gear. When I finally had job and paycheck, I invested in some good running clothes and realized NEVER again would I run in a cotton t-shirt. Sweat wicking fabric is soooooo much more comfortable!

• Not drinking water while running.
Would you believe that I ran a half marathon, on the muggy California coastline and never had even a SIP of water? Uh yeah, that was stupid. I didn’t know water belts existed at the time and I never trained with water because I didn’t have access to it on the path I ran, and also I believed it would give me stomach cramps. HELLO? Needless to say, long runs got A LOT easier once I discovered I could drink and run without stomach cramps. Now I run every long run with my trusty Nathan hydration belt.

• Not seeking out local trails and running routes.
I ran the same 6 mile loop for about 4 years. If I wanted to do a 12 mile run, I did it twice. If I wanted an 8 mile run, I extended the loop to the next street up. You are probably thinking that this is some beautiful park path or something I wouldn’t mind looking at day in and day out.  Nope. It was on busy street sidewalks, with stop lights every half a mile or so. It was simply the easiest way to get the miles in from my apartment doorstep. Now I realize  how much fun it is to find local trails, see something different and just get away from the traffic. Here in Phoenix there are tons of paths and canals that are great for running. I’m sure there were lots in LA as well, (hello, can we say BEACH?) but did I ever explore them? Nope. Don’t get stuck in a rut like I did, get out there and see something different! It makes running sooooo much more fun.

• Not running with others. Especially on long runs.
I trained for my first marathon completely on my own, using a plan I found on the internet. The first 20 miler I did was quite possibly the hardest run of my entire life. The next year I signed up with Team in Training. I was AMAZED at how much more fun the long runs were with people. Conversation takes your mind off the daunting task ahead of you, and before you know it, you’re done! There is something to be said about running alone, but personally, I need at least 1 run a week with people to keep from getting bored.  Also, it’s amazing how easy it is to develop good friendships while running! If you’re not running with people once in a while, you’re missing out on one of the best parts of running:  camaraderie.

• Not varying pace in training.
I trained for my first marathon by running on a treadmill 3x a week, and then doing a long run outside once a week. It was winter and I was too scared to run in the dark before or after work. This is what I did on those mid-week treadmill runs:  Get on the treadmill. Turn on ipod. Set treadmill to 6.6. Set time to 1 hour. Run 6 miles. Walk the rest of the hour to cool down. I did that 3x a week for 5 and a half months. I was so sick of running by the time I ran that marathon that I never wanted to run again!  Now I run tempo runs and intervals and if I ever have to run on a treadmill, I NEVER run the same pace the entire time. It’s just too boring. Not only is it more interesting to do intervals or tempo runs, it also makes you faster (duh!). Getting faster is fun too!

So there you have it. The top 5 running mistakes I will never make again! Hopefully I saved someone out there from making the same ones.