Mixing it up

22 Jun

After another LOONG hiatus, I am back. This time I’m not making any promises that I am back for good. I come and go as I please on this blog and at this point I’m making no excuses.

I thought I’d just give a little update incase you are wondering if I fell off the face of the earth. I am here! I am well. And yes of course I am still running. The summer is upon me again and so my running has been relegated to mostly very early mornings or the treadmill. I’m doing about 17-25 miles a week at the moment, and happy with that since I’m mostly just trying to stay in shape. Race specific training won’t start up again until mid-September.

I am excited to report that I’ve been doing resistance training more regularly and really enjoying it! I have a good friend that is a personal trainer and she agreed to give me a 8 sessions if I paid for her 3 month gym membership – working out to $20 a session. I jumped that that opportunity! After those 8 sessions, I feel stronger, much more toned and way more confident in the gym. I’ve become pretty comfortable with different types of resistance equipment and I’m able to throw together an a routine on the fly that covers all the major muscle groups. Upper body and core anyway. I’m still shying away from lower body work because I don’t want to compromise my runs by making my legs sore.

I’ve been kinda fascinated with this new world of fitness that isn’t 100% cardio and even more fascinated by the results I’ve had. I feel like I’m getting more fit, with less work, and less boredom. I’ve been soaking up all the information I can get my hands on and trying a lot of new things. I’m hoping that this summer I’ll be forced to get out of my comfort zone even more with the oppressive heat limiting my running to the treadmill.

If I’m lucky, I’ll be inspired enough to blog about it.

If you want to follow my training more regularly please friend me on Facebook or Daily Mile.

Happy running.

An Update

8 Mar

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. I really appreciate all of your encouragement and insight. It’s comforting to know that I am not alone in my experiences.

The clouds are starting to clear –  figuratively, not literally, since it has been raining for the last two days. What I mean is that I’m starting to feel at home in my own skin again. I felt surprisingly good on my 9 mile run this weekend and over the last couple of nights I have fallen asleep easily and slept all night long.  After work most nights, I’m finding that I’m able  to sit on the couch with my husband and enjoy his company while watching an un-interesting war documentary without losing my mind. In fact I’ve spent quite a bit of time on that couch over the last few days just taking it easy. I find it amazing that I am able to do this. Usually anxious thoughts would prevent me from taking time to rest and I’d feel guilty for being unproductive. As I’m coming out of this, I am realizing just how much my body and mind are needing to recharge. I’m also noticing just how much I have used running to relieve anxiety. I honestly feel a little bit like I’ve already run on days that I haven’t! Hard to explain, but it feels a little bit like those lingering endorphins you have throughout the day after you’ve had a good early morning run. Its so weird!

So what’s next with running? I’m not sure. I am supposed to be doing a half marathon in Tucson at the end of this month, but I have a feeling I will let that pass. We shall see. I don’t have any huge goals for running at the moment. I’m sure there will come a time when I’m ready to make some, but not today. I’m definitely going to keep running. But I’m talking it day to day.

I’m sorry for the lack of commenting on all your wonderful blogs. I hope to get caught up in the next few days. Have a wonderful week and happy running!

Running from Anxiety

1 Mar

I really really do not want to write this post. I am at work, it is 3:30 and I have another hour and a half left before I can leave. I might go crazy if I can’t find something else to do.
.
I don’t know why, but it seems like the pendulum swings quickly and drastically between wanting to blog, and not wanting to blog. For the last couple of weeks, I have felt empty of the energy to write. Not sure what I want to say, not wanting to whine and feeling like the only words I want to type with honesty are negative. I guess if I am going to blog today, I’m going to have to be honest about my current situation. There is nothing else I want to write about.
.
I consider myself to be an over-thinker. At my best, my over-thinking results in creativity, motivation and a positive sense of self awareness. At my worst, I am a deeply sensitive, tightly wound ball of negative energy spiraling out of control. I go through periods where I float through my day in a cloud of spinning thoughts feeling like a prisoner in my own head. Nighttime is even worse because the spinning thoughts keep me from falling asleep and awaken me very early in the morning.
.
In the past year I’ve been through a several of these episodes, each one a little worse than the last. I’ve done many things that I am ashamed of in attempt to relieve the anxiety. I can tell you that most of those attempts had negative consequences and did not result in any lasting relief from the anxiety. They only brought a false and fleeting sense of control.
.
I am happy to report that today, despite being deep inside this pit of anxiety, I have not had a drink in over 10 days, I am regularly eating 3 (fairly balanced) meals and 3 snacks, I am not over-exercising (I ran only 20 miles last week) and I am talking to a therapist on a weekly basis.
.
About a week ago I added another weapon to my anxiety arsenal. I started on a low dose antidepressant. I was on one about 6 years ago while I was recovering from my eating disorder and I remember it taking the edge off of the swirling thoughts. I’m pretty sure my anxiety has a genetic component to it. I probably inherited it from my dad and my paternal grandmother. I wish I had gotten my mom’s easy going temperament like my sister Rachel did but I was not so lucky.
.
They say I should know in a few weeks whether the med will work this time around. Unfortunately, in the meantime I’ve been dealing with some pretty nasty side effects that has really sidelined my running. It’s made me jittery, fidgety and spacey. And most troubling side effect has been that the insomnia has gotten much worse. If I hadn’t been on this particular drug before I’d have quickly discontinued it, but I know from personal experience that my body does adapt and the side effects do go away.  Over the last day or two, I can tell it is beginning to happen and the side effects are lessoning – but not as much as I’d like!
.
I’ve been running only as much and as fast as feels good right now – which isn’t a lot considering the lack of sleep I’ve been getting. For the moment I am no longer interested in running the marathon in San Diego. If I’m honest with myself, the only reason I wanted to train for it was to take my mind off of some of the things that are bothering me. It’s cliche but true that running from your problems won’t solve them. Yes the endorphins and physical exhaustion will take the edge off the anxiety, but it only helps to a point. If the med and the therapy don’t work in the next few weeks, maybe I will return to the idea of marathon training – but for now, one thing at a time. I just need to get through these side effects, and hope that the med will work like it did for me 6 years ago. For now I’m just taking it one day at a time, and not looking too far ahead and remaining hopeful.
.
Thanks for listening and sorry for the heavy post!
« Older Entries